My parents used to fight over who’s fault it was that I was gaining so much weight.
So, they decided to send me to “fat-camp” for the summer.
I was 10 years old.
When I came back, so many things were different.
I didn’t have to borrow my friend’s parents clothes anymore when I forget something, I could run with ease, and boys started to say I looked “nice”.
Weight loss seemed to solve all my problems.
Then my mom said something weird to me.
She was struggling with about 100 lbs and an eating disorder… and was so happy that I didn’t have to suffer they way she did.
Her comment came from a sense of relief, maybe even love… but it burned a hole in my heart and self-esteem for many many years.
“I am so glad you lost the weight honey, I blamed myself and hated the way people looked at me, as the fat mom that made her daughter fat, it was embarrassing.”
All I heard was “If you gain weight, I am embarrassed to be seen with you.”
This started a crippling FEAR of gaining weight, of losing control, of what other people think about my body.
Are other people embarrassed to be seen with me?
I was so hurt.
But I stuffed the hurt. Never said a word. Didn’t even really remember it for a long time.
I just hated when people commented on my weight – good or bad.
And was so self-conscious of my body, that any time I gained any weight at all, I wanted to hide.
IT WAS ALL MY MOM’S FAULT!
Of course it was… until it wasn’t.
When I finally became willing to look at where my negative thoughts actually came from and MAKE SOME POSITIVE CHANGES, I learned true freedom.
YES – we can make changes to our thinking – and be FREE of other people’s negative weight issues.
Today, my weight still fluctuates from time to time… but I no longer fear gaining weight, I am no longer afraid of what people think,
and I no longer link my weight to self-esteem.
Does this sound like something you would like too?
If you know that there is something just under the surface of the weight, something that keeps the struggle alive…
Then maybe you are ready to join my program and let that s#it go!
